Turn left

Things have changed, and the change, as such things often do, happened quickly. Last Thursday I was a moderately unsuccessful writer, a wannabee, a striver with a nearly completed second trilogy I’ve been struggling to place, and a freelance editor. Then, come a series of DMs on Friday, I find myself as a (paid) writer on a computer game.

How did this happen? I guess it comes down to ‘friend of a friend’ thing. Or networking. Or being, to some extent not for me to judge, ‘nice’. Put another way, I got lucky.

What does this mean? Well, that’s a little more complex – I don’t really know. In simple terms it means that I have to combine a new job alongside my existing part-time employment, my editing, and my childcare duties and general familyship. I’d also like to keep a little time for working on my own projects, but we’ll have to see how it all breaks down. Basically I’ll be writing to order, composing text on someone else’s outline and characters.

But I had to accept the invitation. Not just for money – in fact, money was one of the least considerations, so long as I’m not being exploited or doing other writers out of their fair share – but for my own ambitions. It’s a new opportunity – a chance to learn, to experience a new form and field of writing.

When I was a teenager, besotted by all things Games Workshop, it was my deepest dream to be a games designer. This is not that job. But it’s the closest I’ve come, writing dialogue and helping shape plot on what will hopefully be a not inconsiderable commercial release. It’s a chance for me to trial the field, see if it’s something I want to delve deeper into.

It’s also my first real experience of team-writing; of being part of a group all trying to be heard and to shape the narrative together. How can I turn down the chance to test these waters and see if it’s for me?

Part of me feels like I’m betraying myself, and betraying you, dear readers. This might wipe out my own ego-driven ideals and ambitions and ultimately – for a year, at least – halt my attempts to get a release with my name on it. That’s still what I really want.

I’m still me. I’m still going to be doing my best to get this blog out each week – hopefully finding interesting things to say (no promises). But today feels a little different. Like I have, in fact, been changed by circumstance; hard to quantify the qualia but it’s there, like it never was when I became a published author. Then I was just another jobbing author whose primary emotion was disbelief that anyone could take a chance on me. Now I feel like all the certainties have been washed away.

The job won’t start in earnest for a few weeks, so for now it’s time to finish up on the deadlines and try, try, try to get Breathing Fire at least within spitting distance of completion.

it’s down to me to make sure I’m not taking on too much, that I still have time for my family, that I don’t ignore my own writing brand on the journey.

However things go I’ll do my best to keep you posted, my wonderful friends.